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Post by The Traveler on Jul 19, 2021 15:09:33 GMT -6
"And you don't think you haven't been already doing that?" Miranda guessed. "Or...you have been, but you can't keep doing it. You've fallen out of love, so to speak?"
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Post by e on Jul 19, 2021 15:14:04 GMT -6
Emma did her very best to suppress a giggle.
“I’ve seen what makes you happy. What you care about.” Ben repeated. “None of that is going to come from me.”
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 19, 2021 15:20:00 GMT -6
Miranda in turn did her very best to ignore the faint giggle.
"What would come from you?" She continued. Despite the giggle that had briefly stoked her irritation, Miranda's frustration had actually dwindled, leaving only calm bewilderment and a desire for more information, more context. "Something else? Or nothing?"
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Post by e on Jul 19, 2021 15:34:45 GMT -6
“Not empathy, that’s for sure.” Emma interrupted. “After all, you and I need Miranda to keep us grounded. At least that’s what she told me.” She finished with a shrug, knowing full well the seed she had planted.
Ben look of anguish that had slowly built up as Miranda forced more and more out of him switched back to something void of discernible emotion.
“Did... did you say that?” Ben asked, though it was pretty clear that he believed Emma.
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 19, 2021 18:42:36 GMT -6
Fucking-
Miranda closed her eyes and counted to five, breathing deeply, before reopening them.
"That is a red herring fallacy. While it's important and relates to the topic at hand, namely us and our relationship, it's primarily diversionary and switches the discussion away from you and how you feel and how you think you can't provide the kind of love you think I cherish, to something pulled out-of-context and cherry-picked to be inflammatory," Miranda told Ben quietly. "And if what she said is important to you, then we can address it after we're done with our current topic of conversation. Or, you can talk with Emma now and she can tell you everything else I've said to her, and then you can speak with me in the morning - assuming, of course, you still want to hear from the primary source. It's your choice what you want to do."
Though truth be told, Miranda feared that the damage was already done, no matter what she said.
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Post by e on Jul 20, 2021 13:51:18 GMT -6
Ben looked over at Emma again. The girl simply shrugged at his eye contact, prompting a sigh from Ben.
“Fine.” He said, before everything shattered, and Miranda was back in Ben’s room in the same position she had been in before.
Ben groggily stirred, blinking his eyes open as he regained consciousness. As opposed to Miranda, he was actually asleep, and thus was saddled with the sort of recovery Miranda wasn’t.
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 20, 2021 14:21:43 GMT -6
Miranda's exhaustion came rushing back in. The chair dug into her back and hips, and her neck felt stiff from leaning over to one side.
The small part of her that was removed from the current dilemma recognized that her theory had worked, sort of. No nightmares, but no sleep either.
Miranda pulled her hand off Ben's arm as soon as she came to. She leaned over and rested her elbows on her knees, groaning as she brought a hand up to rub her neck. She turned her head to the stirring boy next to her. She waited until Ben was a little more lucid before speaking.
"I didn't mean you had to wake up," she murmured. "But I guess it's easier to do this here without Emma interrupting."
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Post by e on Jul 20, 2021 14:30:24 GMT -6
“It’s whatever.” Ben mumbled as he pulled himself upright. His hair was a mess from rolling around frequently. “I don’t think what Emma said is totally unrelated, though.”
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 20, 2021 14:50:29 GMT -6
Sitting like this wasn't going to do. Miranda stood up and rotated the chair so that the back faced Ben, and she sat back down, straddling the seat.
"No, it's not," Miranda agreed. "But it was diversionary. If it can't be set aside, though..."
She pursed her lips again and let out a sigh, shaking her head slightly like she couldn't believe she was about to walk back on what she had just said.
"...I'll answer your question first," she finished.
And a big fuck you to you too, Emma.
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Post by e on Jul 20, 2021 14:59:30 GMT -6
What do you mean diversionary, anyways? What is it that you think Emma wants or is trying to do?
Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure you’re wrong.
“Why would I want to set it aside?” Ben asked rhetorically. “Yeah, I guess I’d like to hear what you have to say.”
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 20, 2021 15:42:56 GMT -6
"I didn't mean permanently," Miranda clarified. She paused, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
"I didn't say you didn't have empathy or couldn't provide empathy, but I did say that you and her need a different perspective to keep yourselves grounded to reality," she confirmed quietly. "And though I didn't necessarily specify that it had to be my perspective, the implication was there. But Emma did misrepresent the spirit of what I had said to her, which is that I believe our differences make us stronger, not weaker. That it's a good thing that I'm not like you or her, because then all three of us would just... form an echo chamber. A closed feedback loop. Get stagnant with the same ideas and perspectives, become a trio of yes-men, not have any form of checks or balances because all of us agree on a course of action and no one stops to think that something might actually be a bad idea. And on the plane ride to New Orleans you told me that you thought the fact that I valued things over people was a good thing, even though it wasn't something you would do. So I know you also recognize that the differences between us are a good thing, not a bad thing. If that's changed- if you think that you don't need a different perspective in your life-"
Miranda paused again, taking in a breath.
"-Then, sure. Believe Emma's implication that I think you two are crazy and need me to keep you sane."
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Post by e on Jul 20, 2021 16:40:05 GMT -6
“Reality, huh?” Ben repeated. “Sure. You’ve got a different perspective.” He sounded like he was just saying the words to placate Miranda. There was little belief or emotion behind them.
Why are you making this so hard?
“What do you think I did before you? What exactly is it you think you provide that I don’t have?”
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 20, 2021 17:10:04 GMT -6
The lack of belief worked against Ben's placation, though. Miranda's shoulders shrugged in response to his questions, but then they sagged down.
"Before me were the SRs, not that they are stellar examples. There was also Morgan. Delilah. Emma - though, I suppose technically speaking you've always had her, haven't you, just that you weren't always aware of it."
Tough act to follow, came the snide voice in Miranda's head. She tried to ignore it.
"As for what I think I provide to you - I don't know. And I don't know if I want to play a guessing game where the wrong answer means you falsely believe I was out of touch or out of sync with you. When we could just talk to each other and understand what we value in the other. Shouldn't I be the expert in what I value about you? And shouldn't you be the expert in what you value about me?"
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Post by e on Jul 20, 2021 17:57:04 GMT -6
“What more do I have to do to prove to you I’m not a good person?” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I want you to be somewhere with someone who doesn’t rip their hand away whenever you try and hold it. I want you to be able to have friends without them being constantly terrified of me. You’re not like us, Mira- Not like me- Fuck!”
He shot out of bed to the other side, running both hands through his hair now.
Here you are. With the same problem as always.
You can’t tell a girl no.
Because what if she really is dumb enough to fall for you still?
Overwhelming.
Doesn’t it feel good to be called that?
“What do I have to do, Miranda?” He couldn’t stop the actual emotion from coloring his voice. “Roger couldn’t stop you. Garnia couldn’t stop you. Even she couldn’t stop you.”
Clarification on who she was seemed unnecessary.
“Oh my god, I’m a caricature. I’m just Fifty Shades now, some rich dickhead with major issues, and no matter how many times I tell you, you keep making the wrong choice! What else do you want me to do to show you how fucked up I am?” He let the question hang in the air.
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Post by The Traveler on Jul 20, 2021 19:08:23 GMT -6
Miranda jerked back when Ben shot out of bed, his sudden action chasing away her exhaustion. She stared in shock as he spoke, though hearing him say Roger's name would have been shock enough. Especially in terms of...stopping her? Protecting her? Something like that?
She lowered her gaze to her hands, which had grasped the top of the back of her chair as she had jerked back, and now they kept her from falling back and out of her seat.
She digested his words, so still and quiet she could have been a statue.
"...You know how people say that courage isn't the absence of fear, but doing the right thing regardless of it?" She finally said, looking back at Ben. She didn't say it, but the expression on her face begged Ben to bear with her on this.
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